I'm a bit sad...

I find myself a bit melancholy these days. Not just because my beloved holiday season is over and we now find ourselves in the wasteland between New Years and my birthday, but because of national events. You see, I want to believe. I want the world to be better. I completely understand the desire, in a dangerous and scary world, to believe in someone who promises to make it better. I wish it could be true. I want to drink the kool aid. It must be a much better mental space to be in.

I don't know if you ever saw INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, but its one of my favorite films. The alien "pod people" make a lot of sense really. Being a rational, thinking, emotional person is difficult. There are a lot of complexities to being human. Getting rid of them, living in a constant state of emotional well being, letting the group decide rather than make tough choices doesn't sound that bad.

Yet, here I find myself. Someone who was raised by parents who were and are middle class or below. Someone with gay and minority friends. Someone who lives and breathes film and art. I am, in every way shape and form, the poster boy for who should subscribe to liberal ideology. But I don't. I am a member of the NRA. I am a member of the RNC. I donate money to the Heritage Foundation, the CATO institute and American Solutions. How can this be?

You know, I looked up the definition of "conservative". It reads: "tending or disposed to maintain existing views, conditions, or institutions : traditional b: marked by moderation or caution "a conservative estimate" c: marked by or relating to traditional norms of taste, elegance, style, or manners". That's really not me. It's also not a good word to describe many of my friends and associates who think like I do. The word liberal, "broad-minded ; especially : not bound by authoritarianism, orthodoxy, or traditional forms", now that's me. That's how I think. That's how I live. So, why am I not a liberal in the political sense?

Look at the root of the word conservatism. It's conserve. "To keep in a safe or sound state "he conserved his inheritance" ; especially : to avoid wasteful or destructive use of "conserve natural resources" to maintain (a quantity) constant during a process of chemical, physical, or evolutionary change." Hmmmm. To keep safe or sound state. What are we talking about? We're talking about the country. We're talking about the Constitution. We are talking about the freedoms, ideals, and systems for which so many have fought and died.

Built into the framework of the country is an inherent desire and need to be free, to be a rebel. To stand equal to all men, regardless of their religious, financial, or ethnic make up. An insurance that every man and woman has a right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." That's a pretty broad concept. What you do, or what I do to achieve those things is our own business. You have an opportunity in this country to be a great success. Greater than in any nation in the world. You also have the risk of being a failure. But that risk, and potential reward, is unique to the American experience. And, it's part of what makes our country great.

The conservative wants to protect those basic ideals. Within that, there is much room for interpretation and evolution. But the basic, core beliefs is what matters. The word liberal comes from the old English word meaning "to grow". I'm all for growth, but it has to be with those basic principals as a guideline. Without them, we run the risk of becoming something else. Something that is not America.

Which leads me back to why I am sad. I'm sad that people think the government, by spending a bunch of tax payer money on pet projects will help the economy. I'm sad that we are talking about redistributing the wealth of our country. I'm sad that our president feels that the intentions of our enemies, brutal men who oppress and murder, are more honest and genuine than those of George Bush or Dick Cheney. I'm sad that the Democratic Congressional Committee has an online petition to stifle Rush Limbaugh's free speech. These things are decidedly un-American. They will not work. They are wrong. But this is apparently the change we voted for, the new direction in which we are heading.

I wish Nancy Pelosi's desire to spend $200 million on condoms would give people jobs. I wish that Barney Frank giving money to failing banks in his district would keep people in their homes. I wish that giving the NEA $50 million for art projects that have no financial viability would help children in math and science. I wish that calling terrorist organizations on the phone and saying that we are willing to listen instead of "dictate" to them would make them stop sending their children to die as suicide bombers.

I'm sad, because I know that it won't.