I should have my own VH1 show!!!

This past weekend I took a brief trip to Los Angeles. As I no longer live there, I treated the jaunt like a vacation. I had no desire to live there as I had, sitting in traffic, getting parking tickets, or visiting the exact same five to ten restaurants/bars. Instead, I used my knowledge of the city to live like a tourist with the inside track. I checked into the Standard, went drinking at Sky Bar, shopped in trendy little stores, and ate a late dinner in typical Hollywood fashion (not ordering any full meals, but instead ordering appetizers and assorted entrees split at the table with no rhyme or reason, trust me, Hollywood people do this all the time). It was a lot of fun.

While living in LA, VH1 premiered "The Pick Up Artist", a reality show hosted by a man named "Mystery" who would teach socially inept guys how to work rooms and pick up women. My friend Jeff Denton and I watched it regularly. It was the only reality show that I've ever really tolerated. I found it quite entertaining. The train wreck factor of watching guys get shredded by mean girls and the clinical, almost scientific terminology used by Mystery and his cohorts was very engaging. Partly because it put names and strategy behind things that some of us do naturally and partly because it explained why things I've done in the past failed. It was a fascinating bit of human sociology.

Yet, as the show progressed, I started realizing that the show was inherently evil. Taking a socially inept computer programmer and turning him into a Hollywood douchebag is not a good thing. The whole point of the "pick up" isn't a simple score. It's about having fun and potentially meeting a longer term friend or partner. The only way to really do that, is to be yourself, not follow a pat routine and use basic human psychology to gain an advantage over people who are just having fun. The difference between the show and say a business psychology course is that people in the business world have entered an arena of competition. Girls hanging out with their friends in a nightclub aren't really there to mix it up with practiced psychologists and body language experts.

"Damn, Leigh Scott. Hate the game, not the player!!!"

So, while at the Sky Bar, already rather drunk, we noticed this guy wearing a glowing Marty McFly-style vest. I pointed out to the girls that I was with that this is called "Peacocking", a tactic explained on the show. By wearing something outrageous, your wardrobe becomes an instant conversation piece. It allows you to "open a set" as they say without an "opener" and generally leads to less "resistence" from the "target". See what I mean about this show and these guys??

Anyway, we all laughed at the guy and the show and the whole concept. Low and behold when we returned to the bar inside the Standard, we saw glowing vest man again. This time, however, all became clear. Glowing vest man was indeed "peacocking", and it wasn't an accident. He was there with Mystery and his entire crew!!!

As Mystery's crew of girls (two girls to about six guys by my count) wasn't very impressive, they instantly tried to move in on the group of actresses that I was with. Well, let's just say it didn't go well for them. Nothing put them off their game more than my friends (prepped by me of course) analyzing their every word. "Are you trying to bounce me?" "I mean are you trying to get me and my friends to another location?" "Are you peacocking?" "Or do you really wear those ridiculous goggles out to the grocery store?" They were neutralized. While I talked to his crew, Mystery instantly saw what I was up to. In their training, they teach the guys to openly confront and deal with other Alpha males that they encounter. It's a no lose. If the guy that girls are with like you, you are in with whatever girls are available in his crew. If you alienate the guy, there is little chance that you will be able to "bounce" any of his girls. Simple psychology. But a psychology that falls apart when your seemingly natural actions are exposed as the pat routine that they are.

Perhaps the biggest thing missing from the show is the true trick to their "success" with the ladies: a combination of persistance bordering on the annoying coupled with a ridiculous level of arrogance. I'm not sure if any of the crew "scored" that night, but I knew they were not happy with their treatment from my attractive actress friends.

Ultimately, Hollywood douchebags should hang with Hollywood douchebags. Reality stars should not hang with real actors. And that computer programmer shouldn't waste his time hanging out at Ketchup trying to hit on the girls from The Hills. He should go online and find that socially inept girl who loves Warcraft as much as he does. He will be much happier in the long run.

Me, I'm taking a break from directing to pitch VH1 my show: Leigh Scott's Playa Hater!!